How to heal a broken heart...

 There are no easy ways to heal a broken heart but there are steps we all have to go through to heal. When we experience loss, whether it the loss of a loved one, a job, our health, a friendship or a relationship the feelings we have are so overwhelming to us that we feel we will never heal again. We have to keep in mind that this feeling of pain is not going to last forever.

There is a myriad of emotions we experience after a loss. We may feel shock and disbelief and after that anger at the person who left you or the boss who fired you from your job or at God for the illness you have or the death of a loved one. We go though things like bargaining with God or the person you lost, to intense anger, helplessness and hopelessness, depression and finally acceptance.

The road to healing is a long one and it is an emotional roller coaster ride. We can waver between bouts of weeping, laughter and faith. These feelings come and go and have no order to it. We must let ourselves go though this and accept the emotions, it is part of the healing process. We should give ourselves time and take care of ourselves like you would a friend going through something like this. There is no timeline to grief of any form. It all depends on the kind of relationship you had with the person you lost, if you will find a job again or if you will be healed from your illness. We all experience emotions in a different way. Where someone might be very emotional and open about it, some will act strong and hide their pain away. One of the best medicines for a broken heart is crying. Tears cleanse the soul.

When a loved one dies there is this huge void left by their parting. We grieve not only for them but the future we had with them. The loss of a parent is the love and safety that is lost. The death of a child is part of your life gone. The death of a spouse is the other half that is lost. Every loss through death has its own different compartments you mourn. Death is one of the deepest and most final losses we can experience and it takes longer to heal.

A divorce is one of the most upsetting and painful transitions we can go through. The dream for the future you had, the person you confided in and with whom you shared your life is now all broken dreams. People who go through a divorce feel intense loneliness and depression. You can feel like a failure and that you don’t fit in anywhere any more.

When you lose a job it creates financial insecurity and worries about how you are going to manage to survive. You may also experience feelings of failure and hopelessness. Fear of the future is also a great factor in this situation.

Sudden illness can rob you of your normal life and life expectancy. It is very upsetting and painful not to be able to live like you used to. Many kinds of illnesses alter your life so much that you are incapacitated. Sometimes you need a complete adjustment to life in general and it creates a loss of self.

All these losses contribute to a broken heart and we need time and patience to work through the different emotions we experience. When you feel yourself going into deep depression you must seek professional help. Medication or therapy can help you come to terms with your situation. We have to take care of ourselves and not give up when our hearts are broken. Talk to a friend or someone you can trust about your pain and suffering. Not one of us is an island and we must try to reach out and ask for help. Many people feel too proud to admit to weakness but it is futile to think that way. We can’t overcome heartbreak alone.

I hope after reading this you can feel comfortable to reach out to others. If you need love and understanding and comfort we are here for you. Don’t feel alone and isolated, it is not true.

If anyone ever needs to talk please feel free to contact me.

Blessed Be and Namaste!

Alcoholism is a social illness.

Alcoholism is just as bad as drug addiction if not worse. Both will destroy your life but is two different kinds of addictions. Whereas street drugs are something illegal and only obtained by cover of anonymity alcohol on the other hand is a legal and most acceptable drug. It is a social disease in my opinion.

When you use alcohol you don’t need to hide it away and it is available at all liquor stores especially for that reason. You can buy as much as you want and you won’t be arrested for it. There is no law against having a whole room full of any kind of booze you can think of and that reason alone makes it so much different from drugs.

It is socially acceptable to have a few drinks and in a public venue. There are many places you can go to drink yourself into a coma and only if you cause problems will you be asked to leave. Now we are clear on the difference let’s get to the real problem of alcoholism. Some people start drinking to dull pain they have experienced in life. If it didn’t make me ill I am sure I could easily have become a serious drinker after Emile died.

A very interesting thing about it that not many people know is that it is also a genetic problem, if it isn’t in your genes and you don’t have an addictive personality you won’t easily become one. But the problem is you won’t know it until it is too late. Most people don’t plan on becoming an alcoholic just like others don’t plan on becoming drug addicts. It just happens and by the time you realise it you are stuck in the claws of the illness.

Only when you can admit that you have a problem can you seek help. Not because your wife threatens to leave you or you can lose your job, because then you will never stop. My brother and his wife are alcoholics and a few years ago he almost beat her to death in a drunken rage.  In order to let him get bail I arranged for him to go to rehabilitation. Only the threat of prison made him go to a rehabilitation centre. He didn’t stop drinking but merely stopped beating her up. They have four children of which three of them have left home at very young ages to get out of the situation of living with drunken parents.

Most alcoholics who haven’t decided to change live in complete denial that they have a problem and are always ready with excuses why they are drinking. There is a great organisation called Alcoholics Anonymous who is there for the support and help of people who wants to stop drinking. It is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience strength and hope with each other so that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

There is no easy way out of this and it takes hard work to recover. Alcoholism doesn’t damage you alone who is in the clutches of it. It has an impact in everyone around you, your family, friends, workplace and innocent people who comes into contact with you. Take drunken driving for instance. Many people die on our roads every day because of it, and innocent people.

You will see I call it an illness, because it is an illness in their bodies and their mind. They find reasons for drinking and hide the fact from everyone, become sneaky and if they don’t stop drinking it almost always gets worse.  One fact that many people don’t realise is that is can strike anyone from any walk of life and any age. Most of them have underlying problems that started the drinking in the first place. Alcoholics Anonymous helps them to work through these problems, to identify it and come to terms with it. It can never be “cured” but you can become a recovered alcoholic. Many fight the battle of the need for a drink constantly. It is always at the back of their minds. That is why it is an illness not badness.

If you think you have a problem and you want to change your life contact any AA in your area and they will help you to become sober and live a fulfilling life again. It need not be the end of your life.

Blessed Be and Namaste!!