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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

You are not doing anyone a favour by spoiling them...

You are not doing anyone a favour by spoiling them, I have first-hand experience. My mother spoiled and pampered me all through my childhood, so much so that I didn’t even know how to bake an egg when I got married. Where my mother left off my husband carried on. All my life I had people doing things for me, from making my bed, paying accounts to fixing anything that broke down. I never had to think about anything as trivial as that and now it has become a fight for survival.

After my husband died my youngest son and I were completely lost. We were like two teenagers being left all alone to run a house. We have no idea what we are doing but we are learning. We never had financial worries and there was always enough of everything. Now we have to work out a budget and try to fix things like the pool’s solar heating panels by ourselves where before we had him do everything for us.

My husband left a small life insurance policy and I bought an apartment to ensure some kind of monthly income. There was an amount of money left of that and in our ignorance we never thought it would run out. Imagine our surprise when all of a sudden all we had to survive on from month to month was my son’s income and the rent of the apartment. We were absolutely clueless how difficult life is without him to provide all our needs.

We are making numerous mistakes every day but we are having fun as well. One day we were sitting for more than an hour trying to fix something and not long after that we realized we could replace it for cheaper than the glue cost us. We are on a road of discovery and even though at times I feel like giving up we make it work somehow.

This is why I say you are not doing anyone a favour by spoiling them and doing everything without giving them a chance to learn and be independent. It’s the same as throwing them into the middle of the ocean and expect them to swim if they have never even been near water. I have cried many tears and threw many anger tantrums trying to live as an adult and be responsible. Hopefully it will all work out in the end.

Blessed Be and Namaste!!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

The strange place of precognitive dreams...

I’ve had strange precognitive dreams for many years but two of them made a very big impression on me because it warned me of imminent tragedy. Even though I knew it was going to happen it was still a shock to me every time it proved to be right.

“Before the big white light took me I knew everything”, A text message a received in a dream from my son Emile a few months before he died by suicide. This was so upsetting to me because I knew something was going to happen to him and I cautioned him to get his life in order. At the same time as warning me it also answered questions I had after his death.

Death by suicide is seen as self-murder and a few people had to point out that my son’s soul was never going to rest. The idea that my precious son would be lost in darkness all alone almost drove me insane. However, I recalled the words “the big white light” in his message and that set my mind at ease. It also informed me that we have knowledge after death, about everything we don’t understand in our earthly bodies. That was very comforting to me.

A few months before my husband died Emile visited me in a dream and held me tight telling me he loved me. He then looked at me and said “You can do this thing”. I knew for certain another tragedy was going to strike and when my husband passed away from a massive heart attack I recalled the dream immediately.

The months that followed was very challenging and each time I felt like giving up I would recall Emile’s words. I can do this thing and I did, even if the journey seemed insurmountable at times.

A month ago I had another two dreams about Emile that is still puzzling me and I don’t know what to make of it. I asked a faceless presence if I could call Emile because I miss him so terribly. The presence asked me how long our previous call lasted and I answered 49 minutes. When I tried calling him I couldn’t recall his number and I cried myself awake. I have searched for the meaning of the number 49 and this is what I found.

“The goal of life is to attain omnipotence and omniscience on the highest cosmic plane (49), and the meaning of life is actively working towards that goal.”

I Ching Hexagram: 49
Name: Ko.
Keyphrase: Revolution.
Formed By The Trigrams: Lake over Fire.

I have absolutely no idea at this stage what my dream meant. For a few nights after this I traveled with Emile in dreams to wonderful places where I have never been, met interesting people and ate strange things.  

This is the reason I believe that spirits from the other side visit us in our dreams, which nobody else can ever enter.

Namaste my fellow travelers!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Be very careful of psychiatric drugs.

Be very careful of psychiatrists and the drugs they love to dish out at every opportunity. I think most of them are on power trips acting like God with people’s lives. A few years ago when my father died I was inconsolable and my doctor decided it would be a great idea to refer me to a psychiatrist (as if you are insane when grieving).  After a short consultation the idiot decided I need to be in hospital for sleep therapy and promptly gave me some drugs to get me in the mood.

I don’t remember much about that time, apart from a guy walking around in his theater gown with blood running out of his ears and nose after Electro Convulsive Shock treatment. The psychiatrist was thinking about giving me that treatment as well, but thankfully he didn't or dear knows what I would have looked like now. Obviously the sleep therapy didn't work, I lost my father and my heart was broken. What makes doctors think that drugs can heal a broken heart is beyond me.

He then decided I needed some anti-psychotic drugs to take the pain away. This took me on a roller coaster ride that nearly destroyed my life. I don’t remember 4 months of my life and I am glad to be alive and writing about it at all. I drove around aimlessly like a person obsessed visiting people and aggravating the hell out of them with my erratic behavior  This I was told after I came out of my drug stupor. Most of the time I didn't even know I was driving anywhere, I only remember moments during this horrendous period of my life.

During this time I decided death was the answer and I cut my wrists to the bone, you could actually see the bone and tendons in my wrists, I do remember this part of it. My friend told me I fought like a demon when my husband and she took me to the emergency room for stitches. I heard afterwards that you can’t bleed to death cutting your wrists horizontally. During one of my insane joyrides I drove off an embankment and wrote my car off. The car couldn't be seen from the road and as luck would have it the guy who witnessed my accident flagged down an ambulance which passed by impromptu.  When the paramedics reached me my heart wasn't beating and I wasn't breathing. They came just in time to resuscitate me.  That in itself was a miracle because usually they are never there when you need them.

I don’t have any memory of this only the scars on my face when I flew out of the windscreen when my car landed at the bottom of a ditch. At the hospital a friend of my husband’s was standing next to my bed and I felt terrified not knowing what happened to me. I asked him to hold my hand and from then my mind lost me again. My friend told me that I tried to buy drugs at the hospital pharmacy walking around in the hospital gown with my bum sticking out and my face and hair full of blood.  I made a huge arse of myself and I wasn't even present, how sad is that? After huge amounts of anti psychotic drugs didn't help the psychiatrist decided I was certifiable and committed me to a mental asylum locked up with the criminally insane. While there they stopped his treatment and I came to myself. Can you imagine what a shock it was to wake up and realize where I was?

It was as if I was thrown in hell and there was nothing I could do about it. I feared for my life the whole time and it was only because of a huge old black woman that everyone called Mama, who protected me from the really vicious inmates that I stayed alive. My husband called the psychiatrist and threatened to go and kill him in his consulting rooms if he didn't get me out of that place. I remember the Monday I was sitting on the cold cement floor and thinking if I didn't get out of that place I would break a window with the cast on my arm and slit my own throat with a piece of the glass.

Death was a better option than staying there in that godforsaken place and not sleeping for fear the insane creatures will molest me in my sleep or worse. After I was interviewed by the resident psychiatrist, who found me sane just heartbroken, I was released. Thank the dear lord I came through it with my sanity intact and no scars other than on my face (which by some miracle healed perfect) to prove the crazy road I traveled.

Whatever happens to you, please explore other avenues before resorting to psychiatric help. I am sure there are good ones out there, but the one I saw was using me as an experiment for drugs and almost destroyed my life in the process.


Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Staring out at the grey darkness of the woods,

The moon illuminates everything with silver hoary beams.

Her heart is filled with sweet glowing love.

Being part of this omniscient creation of the universe,

And feeling adored worshipped.

He makes her feel perfect.

His hands hold her heart with such tenderness, careful not to hurt.

Like the wings of an angel, enfolding it with adulation.

Everything that was dark and evil has been washed away.

He took the shattered pieces of her heart and healed her.

Staring out in the light of the moon,

She waits for him to claim her.

She desires to be possessed

By the master of her heart.

Her entire being aches with longing…

My amazing day with Nelson "Madiba" Mandela.

When I worked as a crime reporter I got to spend one whole day with the most amazing human being I have ever had the honor to meet, Nelson Mandela, or as we call him Madiba. We toured the black townships and he showed the most humble compassion with everyone he encountered. 
No place was too poor for him to visit or offer love and understanding. 
Our wonderful leader is very ill and we wish him release to travel with the angels. He will always be with us. I salute you Madiba!

Namaste Madiba!!

Photos of South Africa.

I tribal warrior in traditional gear.

Magnificent young male white lion.

Sunset in Richard's Bay


Dawn at the ocean. 

Sunset in Ballito.


Drakensberg Mountains burning in winter. 

Monday, September 16, 2013

How to heal a broken heart...

 There are no easy ways to heal a broken heart but there are steps we all have to go through to heal. When we experience loss, whether it the loss of a loved one, a job, our health, a friendship or a relationship the feelings we have are so overwhelming to us that we feel we will never heal again. We have to keep in mind that this feeling of pain is not going to last forever.

There is a myriad of emotions we experience after a loss. We may feel shock and disbelief and after that anger at the person who left you or the boss who fired you from your job or at God for the illness you have or the death of a loved one. We go though things like bargaining with God or the person you lost, to intense anger, helplessness and hopelessness, depression and finally acceptance.

The road to healing is a long one and it is an emotional roller coaster ride. We can waver between bouts of weeping, laughter and faith. These feelings come and go and have no order to it. We must let ourselves go though this and accept the emotions, it is part of the healing process. We should give ourselves time and take care of ourselves like you would a friend going through something like this. There is no timeline to grief of any form. It all depends on the kind of relationship you had with the person you lost, if you will find a job again or if you will be healed from your illness. We all experience emotions in a different way. Where someone might be very emotional and open about it, some will act strong and hide their pain away. One of the best medicines for a broken heart is crying. Tears cleanse the soul.

When a loved one dies there is this huge void left by their parting. We grieve not only for them but the future we had with them. The loss of a parent is the love and safety that is lost. The death of a child is part of your life gone. The death of a spouse is the other half that is lost. Every loss through death has its own different compartments you mourn. Death is one of the deepest and most final losses we can experience and it takes longer to heal.

A divorce is one of the most upsetting and painful transitions we can go through. The dream for the future you had, the person you confided in and with whom you shared your life is now all broken dreams. People who go through a divorce feel intense loneliness and depression. You can feel like a failure and that you don’t fit in anywhere any more.
When you lose a job it creates financial insecurity and worries about how you are going to manage to survive. You may also experience feelings of failure and hopelessness. Fear of the future is also a great factor in this situation.
Sudden illness can rob you of your normal life and life expectancy. It is very upsetting and painful not to be able to live like you used to. Many kinds of illnesses alter your life so much that you are incapacitated. Sometimes you need a complete adjustment to life in general and it creates a loss of self.

All these losses contribute to a broken heart and we need time and patience to work through the different emotions we experience. When you feel yourself going into deep depression you must seek professional help. Medication or therapy can help you come to terms with your situation. We have to take care of ourselves and not give up when our hearts are broken. Talk to a friend or someone you can trust about your pain and suffering. Not one of us is an island and we must try to reach out and ask for help. Many people feel too proud to admit to weakness but it is futile to think that way. We can’t overcome heartbreak alone.

I hope after reading this you can feel comfortable to reach out to others. If you need love and understanding and comfort we are here for you. Don’t feel alone and isolated, it is not true.

If anyone ever needs to talk please feel free to contact me.

Blessed Be and Namaste!

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Ode to Death

Every day the siren call of death whispers my name seductively. It promises relief from the darkness that pulls me in, helpless I am to the infinite power that enfolds me.
Death, I beg your wings enfold me,
And claim my body and soul.
I covet your power
Release me from this world.
I offer myself to thee, take me
This life is not for me any more.
I beg you take me by any means you desire.
I am yours for the taking.
I am free from the bonds of this earthly life,
I am free to be your victim,
So take me where I belong.
I am alone and lost between earth and heaven.
I don’t need life any more.
I have learned all there is to learn,
I have learned about unbearable pain and agony.
I have known the disappointment of loss,
I had my time to live, and now I beg my time to die.
I will wait for you on a high mountain,
I will close my eyes and spread my arms.
I will stand vulnerable and poised for flight.
You can come in a bolt of lightning
And take me away from this endless battle I have no strength to
Fight any longer.
The big black dog haunts me relentlessly,
It threatens to tear me apart and swallow me.
All I want to do is give in,
Give over to its power.
I’m exhausted struggling to overcome
The insistent might of depression.
I long to give up and fall right over the cliff,
Where my soul will find wings and fly away….

Friday, September 13, 2013

We all suffer misfortunes in life...

Nobody in this world lives a carefree and perfect life. Someone may look like they have no troubles but it could be that they are just wearing a mask to hide what they are feeling deep down. Everyone has their own battle to fight and it could appear insignificant to some but to that person it is seems insurmountable. Many of us lie awake at night worrying about the outcome of something we are struggling with.

We don’t have the right to distinguish between what is trivial or enormous for someone else. Our capacity for handling difficulties all differ from person to person depending on our mental strength. You might be able to tolerate great anguish but others fold when faced with the slightest predicament. Who are we to judge a person’s strength or weaknesses?

We face different adversities in our careers, family life, physical and mental health and a host of other areas of life.  Some of us possess the faculties to work through these hardships in a realistic manner but others have a very difficult time finding obvious solutions.

It is always easy to advise someone and point out clarifications when you are not it that situation. When in the midst of a predicament we don’t realize the answers that lie right in front of us because our minds are in turmoil when presented with it. At that moment it feels utterly impossible that it will ever be resolved. In hindsight we always know what could and should have been our reactions and the way out of it.

Be compassionate today when you encounter someone going through a difficult time. Everyone is vulnerable when in anguish so try to be understanding when someone confides in you. Don’t dismiss their misfortunes as inconsequential. If they trust you enough to share their worries they deserve your sympathy not your scorn. Your reaction could very well be the push over that gaping cliff into darkness.

Blessed Be and Namaste!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

There are things we are just not meant to know…

There are things in life I believe we are not supposed to know, for example what happens after death. Can you imagine how absolutely unbearable life would be if we had intimate knowledge of the wondrous joy of our spiritual existence? I researched near death encounters after I lost my son to suicide just to know a little about death. Most accounts I read about was filled with sheer joy and happiness and incredible peace and love.

“If I lived a billion years more, in my body or yours, there's not a single experience on Earth that could ever be as good as being dead. Nothing." – Dr Dianne Morrissey was electrocuted and dead for 45 minutes. I found numerous accounts but this one was the most profound for me.

In 1991 I saw the film “At First Sight” which was based on the true story of Shirl Jennings who lost his sight at the age of 3. He met and fell in love with a girl who urged him to visit an ophthalmologist to investigate the opportunities to restore his sight.

After surgery his sight was partly restored but the experience was deeply disturbing to him. He was overwhelmed by the sudden overload of sensory stimulation after so many years of being blind and he couldn't connect what he saw with what he imagined. The year after his operation he fell ill with pneumonia and when he recovered, his sight was lost again. He didn't even contemplate having his sight restored again after that.

This story makes me believe that if we had to be in constant connection with the spiritual world we will definitely not be able to live a normal and fulfilling life. There are reasons we cannot know what the future holds or why things happen the way they do. It will also be an overload to our senses that we would not be able to assimilate.

To have the absolute knowledge for the reason of existence will just be too much for us to comprehend or make sense of. Our minds were designed to just process our five primary senses that in this life on earth can also become overwhelmed at times. We are just going to have to wait for the day we pass from human form to spiritual form to know the reason for everything.

Blessed Be and Namaste!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Let's try to be gardeners and make one soul blossom...

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
― Marcel Proust

This does not only mean a lover, child, parent or friend but those random wonderful people we meet on life’s every day journey. It can be he vendor at the corner selling flowers who always greet you with a smile and something precious to say. It can be someone who picked up something you lost while in a hurry. What about someone who lets you in the line in front of them when traffic doesn't seem to let up and it seems you will never arrive at your destination.

There are many beautiful people we encounter every day that make us smile and feel grateful that kindness still exist in this harsh world of ours. Perhaps the owner at the store keeps your newspaper or magazine they know you buy every day, week or month.

Even the smallest gesture of kindness and compassion can help make a difficult day something to remember for years to come. I thank god for the small things in life that make it more bearable. It isn't always the big events that make an impression on us but rather all the little acts of complete strangers added together to brighten our days.

Why don’t we try this week to be a charming gardener to make someone’s soul blossom? Let’s get out there and lift someone’s heart and make them happy even just for a moment.

Do we have any say in the matter?

I have absolutely no idea how delusional I must have been signing up for this life as a mother. There are days I wonder what did God think entrusting me with children. For one I am a very unstable person and have suffered from depression for many years. It was only diagnosed after my youngest son was born. Secondly, I don’t think I have and will ever grow up. The children have always been more like friends to me than me being an authoritative parent.  If only there were an entrance exam into being a mother I would never have qualified and they would rather have being assigned to someone able and stable.

Is it that in our spiritual state we think that life on earth as a human being can’t be that difficult to fulfill  Or are we here in this body with certain personality traits to learn something to deepen our spirit and teach someone else a valuable lesson? What kind of lesson have I taught my sons? I will never know what I taught Emile, I made so many mistakes with him that I can’t even bear thinking about it. If his death by suicide is any indication of my mothering skills then I am a complete failure.

My youngest son never had much of a mother but at least he had a father who adored him. When my father died in 1996 I lost the plot completely and because of anti-psychotic medication prescribed by a psychiatrist my kids had a crazy dysfunctional time. While under the influence of the drugs I cut my wrists to the bone, killed myself in a car accident (an ambulance passed the scene of the accident and another motorist who saw it happen flagged them down and they were able to resuscitate me) and eventually I landed up in a mental institution.  Thank god that didn't last long before the resident psychiatrist realized I was not certifiably insane but only mourning the loss of my father.

What kind of a life did my sons lead with a mother controlled by depression and the insane desperate need to die? I wager the guess not a very hopeful and happy time for them. Is it any wonder my oldest son died by suicide? I think not. His mother was never a good example of normal conventional family life. Please don’t think I feel sorry for myself because I really don’t. The people I feel deep compassion and sadness for are my children and that is why I wonder what possessed me to volunteer for this life.

After I lost Emile my youngest son, Marco, took on the role of my support while I was steadily losing my mind. He was the one who held me and soothed me with comforting words when the unbearable pain threatened to destroy me. That is not the way it is supposed to be because not only did he lose his brother but indirectly his mother yet again. For years I was in no state to be anything more that the crazy wild depressed person looking for a way to join her dead son.

Two years ago his father died and the insane roller coaster ride started again. Thank god I am passed all that, but it took the hate and fear in his face to shock me into reality. Here he is with only me in his life and all I could think about was making him an orphan. The struggle to stay strong and be someone for him to depend on is a very difficult one but I have resolved to be that and nothing will avert me from it.
If we choose our family before we are born there must be some very strange obscure reason why they chose me to give birth to them and I just hope that things happened the way it was destined.

Marco told me not so long ago at least with me there is never a dull moment. I pray it is enough for him to know that even though we are not a conventional and normal family I love him with all my heart.

Blessed Be and Namaste!

Friday, September 6, 2013

My angel Emile...

A wonderful beautiful angel was sent by God from heaven to grace my life for almost 21 years.
He suffered on earth to teach me unconditional love, unbearable pain, compassion and being humble before the Almighty Power of God.
He came to teach me that each and every person on earth has a place in the puzzle of life. That nothing happens without God’s hand in it.
He taught me patience and empathy and sympathy for the plight of others.
He showed me that I was stronger than I ever could imagine. That God truly won’t give us a cross we can’t carry to the end.
That special angel was my son Emile, who left me by taking his own life, to force me to go in the deepest darkest places of myself and find the reason for my life here on earth.
He sparkled like a diamond in my life and was allowed by God to return to Heaven to fulfill my life’s destiny.
This is a testament to the joy and love Emile gave me, the smiles and laughter he brought into my life.
The beautiful unconditional love he always showed me, the steadfast way he lived his life, with resolve to make it a great life.
Through pain and suffering he lived to enrich my life.
And the tragic way he left to make me realize my own worth to God. To force me to open my eyes to the way I am suppose to live.
To see the beauty of life and the joy it can bring me by giving of myself and open my heart to the voice of God.  
I salute you, Emile, you are my inspiration to be everything I can be and I will do it in your honor.
May my beautiful angel always watch over me, and be there for me when it is my time to go to the other side, to receive me with his arms wide open and be proud for the things I have done.
I thank God my Father for sending that special angel of his and let him be in my life for the time he had here to teach me all.
I love you my beautiful son!!!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

My wish for you today is Metta...

The Pali word metta is a multi-significant term meaning loving-kindness, friendliness, goodwill, benevolence, fellowship, amity, concord, inoffensiveness and non-violence. Metta is defined as the strong wish for the welfare and happiness of others.*

Can you imagine if everyone in this world could feel this for others around them? The world would become a beautiful place for all with no wars or conflict.

Essentially metta is an altruistic attitude of love and friendliness as distinguished from mere amiability based on self-interest. Through metta one refuses to be offensive and renounces bitterness, resentment and animosity of every kind, developing instead a mind of friendliness, accommodativeness and benevolence which seeks the well-being and happiness of others. *

However hard we try this is not one of the easiest ways to live. There will unfortunately always be humans who awaken a feeling of aversion in us. The difference is to try and change those negative feelings and see them for who they are and where they come from. I can’t believe that anyone is born to be hateful. Many things can happen in a person’s live to make them act that way. All they need is someone to understand.  

True metta is devoid of self-interest. It evokes within a warm-hearted feeling of fellowship, sympathy and love, which grows boundless with practice and overcomes all social, religious, racial, political and economic barriers. Metta is indeed a universal, unselfish and all-embracing love. *

As it says above, it grows with practice and will eventually overcome all barriers. We have to make a conscious decision to become this and make it part of our everyday lives.

*(Taken from The Philosophy and Practise of Universal Love)
My wish for you today...
May you be free from hostility, free from affliction, free from distress, may you live happily. 

Blessed Be and Namaste!!!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The terror of dissociation.

One of the scariest things I experienced after the suicide of my son Emile was dissociation. At the time I didn't know what it was and I thought there was something very wrong with me. I had this weird feeling that I was disconnected from myself. I was disoriented and walked into door frames, walls and furniture. It felt like my body was an entity on its own and my mind was hanging somewhere above just following myself. This weird state of emotion caused me to have acute anxiety attacks.
I was convinced I was in the grip of insanity and hanging on by a thread. I was sure if I let go I was going to be lost into space and would never return. One day I looked into the mirror and I didn't know the person looking back at me. It was not that I changed in any way, I just didn't know the person staring back at me. There is no better way to describe this, I was not familiar with that person but felt completely disconnected from myself. It felt I could talk to her and she would answer me back. I was absolutely terrified of this and knew I had to get help.

I read countless books and one of them gave the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I recognized the signs as the same I was experiencing. I knew I had to get help and started calling clinics and hospitals for a trauma counselor. Thank goodness I found one and she helped me to center myself again. The shock of seeing Emile dead under the tree was too much for me and caused my mind to rebel against the images that plagued me. I thought I was losing control of myself and that I was going to land up in a mental institution. This was the most horrific feeling I went through.

All kinds of trauma can cause this disorder and the shock can hit you so hard that you lose yourself in it at some stage. To have a traumatic experience can be so enormous that your mind can refuse to accept it. If you have been through something difficult and you have any of these symptoms then I suggest you seek professional help.
Some of the symptoms of PTSD include the following,
Having a difficult time falling or staying asleep; Feeling more irritable or having outbursts of anger; If you have difficulty concentrating and/or remembering things; Feeling constantly "on guard" or like danger is lurking around every corner; Being "jumpy" or easily startled. I had all of them as well as the dissociation.


Castle of horror...

The castle of horror stands alone abandoned and ruined on the highest point of the hill. The dark windows glare with evil intent, trying to ensnare you and steal your innocent soul.
Your eyes follow the signs of centuries of mold along the black walls, where the shining multi-colored scales of a mystical beast shine invitingly in the glare of the full moon. Dark menacing clouds curl around the spires of the roof with evil promise.
Terrified and carefully you make your way up the cobbled footpath wondering what will be waiting for you in this wicked place. Perhaps here you will witness quiet acceptance of century’s pain and suffering. 
While you stand shivering looking up, wandering souls in hopeless search for mercy whispers past your body. Why can’t they find any rest and peace? How did they not welcome death with open arms after their poor bodies were broken and tortured without any mercy? To now be haunting their place of death with no rest for eternity.
The black, gaping door beckons you with a grin of hellish threat. Do you have the courage to enter and share your soul with the disenchantment of unholy practices of days gone by? How many satanic murders weren't committed in this place in the name of religion? Innocent virgins sacrificed to satisfy the needs of demonic followers.
Unwilling and without reservation you place one foot over the threshold. Cold crawling shivers run down your spine and you feel the evil glaring from the darkness with hatred. Waiting to seduce you and steal your soul gleefully.
Haunting souls call out to you for mercy and release. It burns through your spirit with desperation. You feel the hopelessness in the deepest recesses of your inner being, and empathy cuts through your bones. This is the moment to turn around and forget about your reckless urge to explore evil.
Indiscreetly you submit yourself to this abandoned castle of abomination. The mausoleum swallows you and you find yourself surrounded by a blackness that defies all reason. Frightened you grope around for something substantial to assure you that you won’t disappear into nothingness. There is nothing! Your arms fold protectively around your body, but it offers no reassurance.
Cold slimy fingers crawl over your feet and you feel yourself engulfed with dread. A demonic giggle make you turn around but you are blinded by unforgiving darkness. Direction has no meaning and you have no idea where the door is. Hopelessness invades your heart with icy claws and you realize there is no escape.
Burning red eyes appear around you and feel your heart palpitating. Hot sulfuric breath swirls around your unprotected body. A venomous hiss causes cold sweat of anxiety to cover your body. An insane roar fills your ears without mercy and you know without a doubt that your soul is about to join the others. Without mercy your body gets torn to pieces and you feel your blood flow as an offering to the power of darkness. For a moment you experience peace as your soul leaves your ravaged body, but then you realize you’re now also doomed to roam this evil hateful place for all eternity.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Evil emotions masquerading as something pure...

The human is a very complex being and we can show emotions that look the same but are opposites in fact. It is very hard to see the difference because the evil one parades as the other smoothly. I will tell you a little about only three of them.  They are attachment masquerading as love, pity as compassion and indifference as equanimity.  
When you love someone you want what is the best for them, you want them to be happy and fulfilled in life. You give them freedom to be what they are best. Attachment on the other hand wants that entire person in an unhealthy way. They use the word love to manipulate and stifle the other person’s growth and happiness. They act as if they love someone to coerce them into doing what they want or to be someone they want them to be. You can also see this with some parents trying to live through their children, making them dependant on them. Love on the other hand will let them grow and live responsible and great lives.
Compassion means empathy and caring for someone on a deep level. It is feeling equal to them and wanting to be there in times of trouble. When you can actually feel what someone else is feeling not just feeling sorry for them. Pity makes one feel superior to someone else. Glad you are not in their shoes. It is looking down at someone who is struggling to survive. It can look the same way but it isn’t. Compassion is a noble feeling where pity is the complete opposite. Many people act with compassion but really are thanking god they are not in that person’s situation. And when it comes down to it they won’t be there to help.
Equanimity is the ability to overcome great tragedy in one’s life. It means the capability to experience tremendous pain but being able to get through it and accept things and move on in life. It is the aptitude to survive life’s difficulties and see the beauty still around you. It also means when you can stay composed in stressful situations. Indifference on the other had is the evil opposite of this, looking like you are handling things where you in fact feel nothing at all. To not be able to feel deeply for anyone and just acting like they do. This is the worst kind of opposite because inside they are hollow empty beings. They lack the ability to feel anything at all.
Blessed Be and Namaste!!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Laughter is the only medicine...

“Learn to laugh. Seriousness is a sin, and it is a disease. Laughter has tremendous beauty, it will bring lightness to you, and it will give you wings to fly.” – Osho

Most of the human race takes life too serious and that is such a waste, because it doesn't last forever. We spend so much time pondering on the seriousness of everything around us that we forget to just enjoy it. I agree there is a time for deep thought and contemplation on our existence, but we need to just forget all that from time to time and revel in the fun of it.

Lay down your tools for one day and simply be amused by it all. There is a Japanese proverb that says time spend laughing is time spend with the gods. There is no need to only be serious to experience the godliness of the universe.  I think our creator must have a wonderful sense of humor to put up with us every day.

“When you realize how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.” – Buddha

It doesn't need us to worry about it, it is already perfect. All of this was created to be enjoyed with pleasure and fun and infinite merriment. Even in times of hardship we can find something to make us giggle uncontrollably. I am sure you have times when it all just bubbles up inside you and you can’t help but let it ring out into the world.

What is more beautiful than a child’s innocent laughter? So don’t be too grown-up about it all, and if you find something funny today don’t hold back your laughter.

“To me there is nothing more sacred than love and laughter, and there is nothing more prayerful than playfulness.”  – Osho

Blessed Be in laughter today!!